one of the things that I have been thinking about is the fabulous truth that
God is the ultimate creator..my creator!... we are God's story, His art. and while i am struggling with not knowing the future..not seeing the finished product.. God, as an artist, allows this! this tension & stress & shading into my life, because He sees the whole work. His plan has purpose ... and all the "trials" Im fighting against are part of this beautiful masterpiece of my life, part of this story that He is weaving...a work of art would be flat & dull.. without life.... if i as an artist removed all the contours & shading, all the depth ...the things that we associate with stress and hardship, and i would be left with nothing but a boring..or worse.. blank canvas.. but OH so hard to trust the artist... even knowing He is the ultimate Artist.. creator of all.. im a stubborn fool and try to grab the paintbrush..
who am i ? thinking i could create something better than the Master of Design.
last nov/dec found me struggling with the decision to be done with babies and claim our family complete.....felt the Lord impress on me to trust my husband.. and to trust in Him.. so i did ( begrudgingly) and once i did i had peace- ( even though i felt strongly that another baby was in our future..)...then jan 2011.. PREGNANT!! and my heart overflowed with thankfulness and joy and peace abundant ..happy that i was able to trust the man God gave me as my husband and have faith that even though i felt like we had oonnee more little one in our future.. His plan was perfect.. The Lord heard my heart and saw my internal struggle.. and ultimately my obedience (even though .... soo HARD!!!) and blessed my womb with new life once again.... weeks of seeking His face and comfort followed the positive pregnancy test.. lots of bleeding..cramping..scares.. and heart anguish... fast forward to 26 weeks along.. such peace in my heart.. a baby girl was growing healthy and happy inside! then.. preterm labor... shortened cervix.. contractions.. 11 day hospital stay... 11 weeks of strict bedrest.... a dire prognosis of a an extremely preterm baby from the doctor.. but once again.. the God who knows me inside and out.. the perfect artist had a different plan.. and here i am... 40 weeks pregnant with our 3 child..
( a miracle in its self to even be able to get pregnant!!)
who am i to try & paint my own life.. or my childrens future..
Lord! bind my hands! open my heart & my spirit to bask in your perfect design!