Sunday, June 22, 2014


Ava west is 5!
dear Ava-
you are a gem. A sparkling many faceted beautiful gem. I tell you this a hundred times a day! Mostly because its true and also because I never want to you think otherwise. Today my little bluebird, you are 5 years old!
You love to create, spending hours on the floor drawing intricate drawings about our day - “movies” in your brain, things you love.. you can write mommy daddy ava jack ella leah gigi pop Jesus and I love you from memory. Every piece you create has your name on it multiple times... you have a sweet spirit but it comes with a fierceness that I admire and pray will serve you well and not against you .
You love to talk about our day and use the greatest facial expressions. I wish I could capture you and save it forever- I hope I never forget. You love to wear dresses ( always with shorts underneath! ) you wear headbands everyday and love to dance and sing. And jump and bounce! We often find you under the couch or behind pillows or in some tight space- thats your favorite!
You have just started asking questions about your “engine” compared to the other kids...and I am quick to remind you of your strengths and and together we list the things that are special about you ava! When you get overwhelmed or in sensory overload – we recite the fruits of the spirit together in a soft cadence. And you often ask me to pray for you to have “more jesus”. You have a very unusual and perceptive view of right and wrong and are sensitive to the spirit realm- tv shows / music/ places/ will sometimes have a “yucky taste” and you beg to turn it off or leave. ( most of the time its due to dark magic or other things pertaining to the supernatural ) you lay hands on your brother and sister and pray ( like I do ) for the Blood of Jesus to cover then from the top of their head to the tip of their toes...
you bless me everyday. When you grow up you want to be a “famous artist.. since im already a regular artist”....and a mommy and you want to live with daddy & I forever. And I tell you – you can!!
the ocean is part of your love language and when I watch you in the waves – I feel like im seeing your truest self. So wild and free and beautiful- no anxiety – no fears- no loud noises or unexpected touch – just the strong safe sound and feel of the waves crashing.. comfortably, predictably, over and over and over.....
just like you see design in everything sweet ava – I pray every day that you will learn to follow Gods perfect design for your life, for all of your days.
You made me a mommy, and you sharpen me everyday.. you are my tangible miracle, god heard me and blessed me with you.

oh my baby blue- from the top of your head to the tips of your toes , Ava West I love you !!!!
happy 5!
lalallalalove you!

Love mommy

Sunday, November 3, 2013

heart strings

tonight i tucked ava into bed then tiptoed into our room to check on the boys... 
dan lay fast asleep with sweet jack tucked under his arms 
- his little hands clasped under his sleeping cheek.
 just the low light and our white comforter and dans strong tattoo'd arm around our little boy... 
oh man ! the one time i didnt have my phone ! 

a perfect picture....their sleeping faces- so peaceful.. the eyelashes, the curve of the  cheek.. lips exactly the same.
my heart is so full just seeing my tough guy husband so tender .. and my sweet jack so trusting...
such a intimate peek into the boy in my husband.. and the man in my son. 
 praying tonight.. praying for my men... 
praying for all the good things.. all the great things...
praying for a heart to be healed and a heart to stay whole.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

just things they say

 daddy is named daddy and hes a daddy and his name is daddy and he IS a daddy hes our daddy and his name is is that???? we gotta find daddy a name.

mommy: remember daddys name is dan!

ava: oh my .. me soo embarassed i have to pee now. ( runs to potty)

mommy- me love you and you are so beautiful and me love your skin and you smell like butter and jelly and thats my favorite.

me supposed to eat a sandwich right now...

 me missed you!
 me do it!
 jack following me!
 vava hug!
 baby snuggle me.
 ruff ruff so scary
 ocean! cold! nope!
 daddy fix it
 oh ella! oh me.....
 come mommy kitchen..snack me hungry.. ouch tummy empty
sausage!!!! bacon!!!! breakfast! yes! oh wow
flop flop. shoes!
rub it ( stir it)
shake ( salt)

 "oh mommy your legs are so soft - me love them mommy."

ava: (after i strongly encouraged her to try and go potty before bed)
"thats it- im pulling up my undies. ( folds arms) ava is done with this business!!!!"

 "Oh me....shaking her little head..."
after i see her mess and say Oh Ella!!!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

oh just a few

these days are flying by and there is so much i want to remember- but i can seem to find the minutes to write it as i want it written.. so jotting it down will have to do... because really i dont ever want to forget...

ellas sweet little lips that stay pursed for so long after she says "uh oh"... and "me toooo"

the way avas face lights up with she runs down the stairs in the morning and sees our faces...

jacks tilt of the head and floppy hair and raised eyebrows when he asks for a " story about that"....

the elaborate imaginary play ava leads....

the sound of little feet and ellas voice saying " ruunnn" over and over...

how all 3 always want a kiss & a hug before anyone leaves the house...

how they can pick out the sound of daddys motorcycle pulling into the driveway...

ellas developing sense of humour and mischievous grin...

the singing and the stories and the love that just pours and pours and pours out.

 dont want to forget.

Monday, June 3, 2013

locked out

one of Jacks favorite things is making sure all the cabinet doors..bathroom. extra room doors are tightly shut... he calls it his job....

this morning - after a yucky naptime accident.. i ran a pretty especially gross trash bag to the bin.. the second i stepped on to the porch - jack slammed the screen- locked it! and slammed  & locked the front door.


talked to him through the window.. encouraged him to turn the doorknob and open the doors for mama- but my little Jack kept insisting- " I dont have a key!!" " but mommy- you never gave me a key!!!"

my mom ran over from next door ( and photo documented/..)  but neither of us had a spare screen door key.....

so finally-

got in.. opened the door... meanwhile- jack had another accident... and continued to insist innocence because

 " no one never ever gave me a key mommy!!!!!"

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

defender of the faith

before Jack was born - the Lord heard my heart and gave me a picture for my son. He called him a "defender of the faith" and said all my children have the word "change' written on their foreheads. 
this word was confirmed 3 times! by 3 different unconnected men of God. 

i pray these words over jack every day - He knows what God calls him....

today after dropping ava off at school - jack and ella and i went on a little starbucks date...  while we were sitting there- a nicely dressed friendly man gave us lots of attention.. as we were leaving... i was holding ella and jacks shoe slipped off.. the nice man- knealt down and helped put his shoe on! while the man was eye level with jack -jack looked right at him and said.." you know, we all broke Jesus' heart.... yeah we did.. we broke his heart ... but you know what guy??? Jesus' heart is happy now! Hes alive in heaven and Hes waiting for us!!" (i had to translate alittle bit) and this man.. had tears in his eyes- and said he needed to write that down.. he grew up in the church but it had been a long time since he remembered that Jesus was waiting for him...even said he almost didnt stop for coffee today! Gods appointment...

i hugged jack when we got to the car and said how proud i was of him for sharing about jesus and my precious boy just looked at me and said "?  why mommy - what me do? me just telling the guy that jesus loved him thats all. did me make you happy?"

my defender of the faith. jack sullivan johnson. 2 1/2 years old.

**ever since easter time- jack has been soo sensitive to Jesus on the cross... and the phrase " we broke Jesus' heart" is something he came up with on this own after our multiple attempts to explain his sadness over the crucifixion..."

Monday, April 29, 2013

oh love

last night ava  & jack spent a lonngg time hugging and kissing goodnight.. 
( an attempt to delay??) 
its was the sweetest time though.. so we let them kiss and snuggle alittle extra..... 
finally.. after bedtime prayers (again..)  
ava blew jack  a kiss and said
"good night sweet boy see you in the morning light!!!" 
my heart.. i cant take it.... im so pleased that in spite of my shortcomings...
 our home is filled with joy and love. 

Ava - 3 1/3:
loves to be the boss (weird.)
is extremely sensitive to any little change in my voice. 
has a pile of toys but seems to only ever play with pillows & blankets, crayons & paper..
& imagination!
she has her own imaginary house filled with friends and toy and all sorts of wonderful things....
we often play imaginary board games. 
loves to feel the wind and sing her own songs
ava knows the story of her birth and how God told spoke to me and called her a fierce warrior... 
and she prays.. and asks the Lord to make her strong- to help her hear His voice...
{humbly and awesome}
this past sunday -she asked me to go to the altar with her - so we did and she prayed for her little boo boos and for her family and then she prayed that Pop ( pastor grampa!) 
would" hear the holy spirit and that the church would listen to his words with both ears...."
said amen and danced back to her seat. 
i feel so incredibly thankful that the Lord in trusted this gem to me.

Jack 2 1/2:
knows what he wants and usually gets it!!!
uses his blue eyes to his advantage... im scared .
favorite thing is to snuggle on the couch ad watch "something good"
usually veggie tales.
has an incredible eye for detail...notices when any one is wearing something new.
if i wear lipstick he says over and over how beautiful my lips are. <3 p="">
wants to be just like daddy.. always trying to fix something.
is sensitive to the things of God.. since palm sunday has daily talked about Jesus on the cross
( in a very sad and worried voice) 
is just now being to understand that Jesus died for him... and is Alive in heaven.
newest interest- ANTS! will chase them around for hours and then will sit and make up a story of their life.... ( thanks to pop and his anthony the ant stories..)
loves to worship and give kisses and hugs. 
defender of the faith! 

Ella- 1 1/2:
oh little firefly
loves to get into everything! has a strong personality! 
loves to help me make coffee in the morning and will blow on it through out.. 
take great pleasure in tormenting jack by putting her little feet on him
loves to hug and kiss and say AWWWW
still nurses 4 or 5 times a day and i dont mind a bit
walks around like an old lady stomping.. then looks back and smiles mischievously 
loves to say uh oh. is really the funniest little girl ever.
and if allowed will run out the front door and march right on over to gigi and pops house...
understands everything i say and is my bright spot for sure.
God calls her a warrior of peace. 
cant wait to learn what that means for her...

all 3 littles love to be bare foot just like mama! and would roll around in the grass all day...
in fact- thats the plan today! 
born to be wild! wild & precious.
wild & precious & free.

Friday, April 26, 2013

go fish

spent a quiet afternoon with Ava, sitting on a picnic blanket in the living room.. eating snacks.. and learning and playing "go fish"! wasn't sure how she would do.. she loved the game!! and caught on so quickly!! my favorite thing was:
'ava do you have a t-rex?'
" actually mommy, i do!"
'ava do you have a bractiosaurus?'
"unfortunately , i don't mommy... GO FISH!"

the sweetest game. the sweetest afternoon. the sweetest 3 yr old girl ever.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

so its been a few weeks....heres some highlights:

- i turned 33! and I'm loving it. i feel happy and confident and beautiful and blessed and ready for whats next. ( totally opposite of how i felt at 23!)

- tattoo!!! the sandman surprised me and took me to get a tattoo for my birthday! i got an arrow on my wrist to remind me of the miracles God has given me.. in the arrow is a circle for leah - a heart for ava - a square for jack and a diamond for my bright spot ella.   the psalm says- children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior... and i want to be reminded to shape my blessing well- so they fly!!
loving it.

- cowboy jack woke up and decided to wear undies and pee on the little potty! and its been a month and counting!! very few accidents.. no more diapers!! holla!

daily the Lord has been pulling me towards him - and as i let my guarded heart open - man - God is doing amazing things... speaking to me of the plans He has for me and my family.. reminding me of the promises Hes already whispered in my ear.. my rescued - salvaged - mended heart sings and rejoices in the redemptive power of Jesus! there is power in His name!