intimately involved

one of the things that I have been thinking about is the  fabulous truth that

 God is the ultimate creator..my creator!... we are God's story,  His art. and while i am  struggling with not knowing the future..not seeing the finished product.. God, as an artist, allows this! this tension & stress & shading into my life, because He sees the whole work. His plan has purpose ... and all the "trials"  Im fighting against are part of this beautiful masterpiece of my life, part of this story that He is weaving...a work of art would be flat & dull.. without life.... if i as an artist removed all the contours & shading, all the depth ...the things that we associate with stress and hardship, and i would be left with nothing but a boring..or worse.. blank canvas.. but OH so hard to trust the artist... even  knowing He is the ultimate Artist.. creator of all.. im a stubborn fool and try to grab the paintbrush..

who am i ? thinking i could create something better than the Master of Design.

seriously.......

last nov/dec found me struggling with the decision to be done with babies and claim our family complete.....felt the Lord impress on me to trust  my husband.. and to trust in Him.. so i did ( begrudgingly) and once i did i had peace- ( even though i felt strongly that another baby was in our future..)...then jan 2011.. PREGNANT!! and my heart overflowed with thankfulness and joy and peace abundant ..happy that i was able to trust the man God gave me as my husband and have faith that even though i felt like we had oonnee more little one in our future.. His plan was perfect.. The Lord heard my heart and saw my internal struggle.. and ultimately my obedience (even though .... soo HARD!!!) and blessed my womb with new life once again.... weeks of seeking His face and comfort followed the positive pregnancy test.. lots of bleeding..cramping..scares.. and heart anguish... fast forward to 26 weeks along.. such peace in my heart.. a baby girl was growing healthy and happy inside! then.. preterm labor... shortened cervix.. contractions.. 11 day hospital stay... 11 weeks of strict bedrest.... a dire prognosis of a an extremely preterm baby from the doctor.. but once again.. the God who knows me inside and out.. the perfect artist had a different plan.. and here i am... 40 weeks pregnant with our 3 child..

( a miracle in its self to even be able to get pregnant!!)

who am i to try & paint my own life.. or my childrens future..

Lord! bind my hands! open my heart & my spirit to bask in your perfect design!

Thank you Lord for being intimately involved in my life, and reminding me that YOU are writing the book of my life, creating the painting of my family with love, delicate care &  beautiful plans.

well. 39 weeks pregnant!!!!

what is going on!!!!!

I'm officially ready to have this baby....

ready to start our next chapter....

we definitely watch to much "baby story".. every time i take a deep breath Ava runs over to me yelling...

"baby come????!!!""

she instructs the belly as to where the "door" for the baby is..and rubs & rubs the belly trying to get her to come "out for a walk"....

 

 

Faith is risking what is

for what is yet to be.

It is taking small steps

knowing they lead to bigger ones.

Faith is holding on when you want to let go.

It is letting go when you want to hold on.

Faith is hearing God’s yes

when everything else says no.

It is believing all things are possible

in the midst of impossibilities.

Faith is looking beyond what is

for what is yet to be.

It is seeing the Light in darkness,

the presence of God in all.

~ Ellen M. Cuomo © 1997©2007©2011


thirty eight weeks and three days pregnant...

totally full term.

just about  5 cm dilated. 100% effaced.

baby locked & loaded.

mama sleepy and ready to go.

feeling so tired and emotionally drained this morning.

starting to freak out about the idea of 3 little ones under 2 years old!

but my sandman reminded me...to  count all of this JOY...

so today i will..

count it joy when i tell ava for the one hundreth time to be gentle with jack..

and i will count it joy as i stumble over another piece of mr potato heads face..

and as jacks sweet face looks up at me in a fresh smile (while dumping out his snack) i will count it joy...when ava slips her slightly sticky chubby baby soft hand in mine  i will count it joy...
while listening to ava and jack sweetly sing a version of jesus loves me..abc's..twinkle twinkle little star.. i will smilt with joy....and after lots of hugs and kisses...and after  naptime  has begun....after i peek in at my babies lovely faces and finally sit down to feel kicks and rolls and bumps from the bellybabydoll..
i will sigh and count it all , every bit of it...JOY.

ava & jack...sweet love

ava is just in love with the babybelly..she rubbs it and kisses her "bebee"

she pretends to change the bellys diapers and never forgets to feed the belly baby..through my belly button of course! she loves to say "wow" over anything that strikes her fancy..especially bellybaby movement....

nothing is quite as sweet as avas little hands snuggling the belly as she sings her baby a song...
lets hope the love lasts once the little arrives!

jack is 13 months old now and so curious! he has a quick smile that just melts your heart and the longest eyelashes.... the other day he spent twentyu minutes slowly and watchfully following an ant ( yes we have to ocasional ant...) as it traveled from our kitchen all the way through the living room...once the little ant disappeared into a crack.. jack looked up at me and clapped and exclaimed!!
such a precious boy.

we have a huge and beautiful garden in our back yard.. zuccini and corn and tomatos..basil - mint thyme and rosmary! yellow squash ..eggplant ..cabbage.. a goldmine!!!
ava and jack love to visit the garden with papa bear or daddy...
and i love when the come back smelling of sunshine, dirt and love.

last night my beautiful fiesty grama Luisa Petti Quinn went to be with Jesus. she was 96 yrs old...my heart is happy knowing she is rejoicing with her saviour but my heart is also abit flip floppy this morning as im laying in bed...9 months pregnant ..ready to give birth any day....whn i think about my gram, the first memory that pops in my head is from  when i was maybe 9? and grama luisa took me to get our nails done..my first time!! so exciting..then we walked around rye,ny letting them dry before getting lunch in a fancy chinese resturant....i remeber the tablecloths looked so clean and white and our food came in silver platters with tops! grama told me stories about "real chinese "food that she used to get in the city....such an exciting day. such a wonderful memory. love you grams.

37 weeks. cant believe it . this bellybabydoll is considered fullterm!!!!

after all these weeks of painfully long days and the trial and error of different meds.. and an 11 day hospital stay..bedrest...FULLTERM!!

rejoicing.

only by the prayers of our faith friends and family...only by Gods grace and perfect design....we are so incredibly thankful that the Lord heard....this babys conception ...life in the womb...stopping of preterm labor...and due to the outpouring of prayers on our behalf...humbled.

but having no significant contractions to speak of...... figures...so lets change those beautiful wonderful prayers from praying for a long pregnancy to praying for a quick healthy natural birth!!!

took a walk today..my first official step off 10 weeks of bedrest....the sun was hot and the air was thick..my muscles are sore and my breaths were quick...

and my heart was full because my God hears my heart and knows my name and answers prayers....

its august. im almost 37 beautiful wks pregnant..and im ready to have this baby. tonight.